Saturday, January 31, 2009

No More Billboards

A few months ago I listed several things I enjoy. "Five more minutes with my mother" made the list. While this is a sweet sentiment it's also the name of a favorite ritual between the two of us. Upon waking my mom would pop her head into my room and tell me it was time to get up. On cue I would pull back the covers in invitation and say, "Five more minutes." Mom would hop in bed with me and we would spend the next 10 - 30 minutes talking and laughing. "Five more minutes" isn't an everyday event, so it's special.

This morning I was already up when mom came to my door. I just turned, walked back to my bed and began straightening up the covers. Mom joined me on the other side to help. Then together we fluffed the pillows and hopped back into bed. As we laid in bed, I began sharing about today's lesson in Experiencing God.

I told Mama that I used to joke about past prayers in which I would ask God to speak to me. Not just speak to me but to speak with enough clarity so as to be impossible to miss. How many times have my friends heard me ask God for a billboard because I didn't trust myself enough to hear His message unless it was HUGE.

I was living with scared faith. It was so important to me to make the correct choices and stay in God's will, but if my faith is filtered through fear then it's worthless. Fear of making the wrong decision paralyzed me and left me in a rut.

When I began praying about whether or not God wanted me to move home I told God I would do it if He sent me a billboard. I remember the night I was talking with God about this decision and as clear as could be I heard, "Girl, how big does this billboard need to be?"


So this morning my mom came into my room but not to help me make up my bed. It is quite common for us to help each other make up the beds so that would have been expected. This morning I realized I'd never extended the "five more minutes" invitation but she still knew. And I knew she had come in for FMM and not merely to help make my bed.

I smiled at her and told her that I loved that we knew each other so well and were so good at reading one another. Then it hit me. I want that kind of relationship with God. I want to be so close with God that I can tell when it's time for FMM and when it's time to make the bed.

Lord I want my footsteps to disappear into Yours and my heartbeat to melt into Your rhythm. I want FMM with You Lord.


Kecia said...

Tauna, that was beautiful! And exactly what I needed to hear. I always called it a telegram, but meant the same thing. You really got me to think.

KCarlson said...

Girl, you just peak the word! Thank you for your post it was such a blessing and I join you in that desire that I don't want my faith to be driven by fear but by deep passion, love and trust.

We love and miss you.

Anonymous said...

tauna......what a blesssing to read of your walk with the lord.

fondly, mrs stuart

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